I don't think like a writer. I think like a musician.
I busy myself with so many things that take time away from what I really want to do, which is read and write. The last few months, as I was dealing with my health and (somewhat) forced to slow down, I started to read again. I resumed reading for pleasure at the start of 2024, but it was slow going. I only read on train rides post drop-off and pre pick-up each day, which amounted to maybe 20-30 minutes a day. It was taking me ages to get through books and I’ve been reading on my iPhone. Not the best parameters for success, but this is me making do.
Reading has picked up for me now that I’m dedicating more time each day to it. I’m still on my phone but I plan to change that soon. Yesterday I finished the last 100 pages of the novel I was reading in mostly one sitting. Along with reading more, I feel like I’ve awakened from a writing slumber. All I want to do is write. The trick now is slowing down again to make space for me and not all the projects I come up with that take up those hours.
I feel deeply fortunate that the majority of my friends are jazz musicians. There is something so special about being able to have your life challenged and transformed by people you love that love you back without a word between the two. To witness the constant shedding of ego. Watching it drip from their pores. They have taught me and continue to teach me to just be, but you have to learn to quiet ego to allow yourself to listen.
What I’m always learning about myself is that all these boxes that are made for me are dumb. They’re just pointless. Yes, I’m a writer, but I don’t think like one. I think like a musician. But not even. I think like someone who values community and wants to share. I think like a being who emotes, and wants you to connect to that and reciprocate it. I think like an energy. I exist as an energy. I don’t belong in boxes because I’m much more expansive than that. I have a deep desire to stretch, so I’ma stretch. I’m going to be me, be whole, be present. I’m going to be whatever and I’m going to be received in love because I am a vessel of love. I’m palpable. Tangible. But also beyond that.
I’ve decided to think differently about how I share. This might change, but right now I’m going to make most of the posts here free to everyone. I feel better about some of the categories I’ve landed on that will help my brain sort through everything. The new categories are midlife, motherhood, conversations, the questions, and relationships. I’m looking forward to playing with them and seeing what emerges.
Small joys this month, so far:
Throwing my son’s first birthday celebration.
I’ve finished three books this month and started my fourth last night. My first book I was reading for months (it’s 400 pages and on an iPhone that’s like 700).
Declaring this week a vacation week instead of being sad about not attending AWP.
Selling my AWP ticket at cost and rescheduling my flight for an actual vacation. I’m planning to write.
More warmth on my bones. Less Amsterdam frost.
Less fried food.
Writing by hand outdoors.
Bookstore crawls with the kids.
Getting clear about some of the things I want to do with this one precious life.
The blessing of having jazz musicians as friends.
Planning on tending to my garden.
Related
Other things I’ve been doing you might want to check out
Over at Literary Liberation:
Our first circle, Writing with the Light On, is accepting drop in applicants. You have to register beforehand to participate. Registration is open. Once we’ve accepted you, you are able to participate.
Writing with the Light On is intentionally designed for writers of color with a deep commitment to centering queer and trans voices.Applications close for our first Work-Study Internship Program on March 31.
If you’re someone here that’s going to AWP, I shared a few programs happening from friends of mine in last week’s roundup post.
Over at Raising Mothers:
I got vulnerable. I also shared that we’re in need of funding to accomplish some of the major things we plan on doing, so if you’d like to support, make sure to read the link.
We published this brilliant work that deserves every single eye.
Nowhere, for now, but something I’m thinking about:
I’m considering making short review videos of the books I've read and maybe expanding on some of my highlights and notes, because there are a ton.
Thank you for writing and sharing this. I wholeheartedly second so many of these ideas— not feeling like a writer because my energy goes so many other places, the spontaneity and responsiveness required by motherhood, and the deep knowledge that comes from realizing that writing and living are about all the things. I’m happy to read this today.
I second your take on reading for pleasure. I had some post academia hang ups about reading “like a writer” that for several years kept me from devouring books the way I used to. And even from picking up books I deemed not literary enough—whatever that means. The result
of letting go of these hang ups? I’ve read 700+ page books of series that are anywhere from 4-10 books long in a few months! I’m reading feel-good romance novels back to back and maybe even picking up some formulas for my own writing along the way. One time, I heard Mira Jacobs discuss how it took 10 years to complete her book, ‘Good Talk.’ She said every time we sit even for a few minutes late night, we’re doing the work. Thanks for doing the work. Loving your newsletter.
Fellow can’t stop won’t stop writer,
Fabia